Archive for category britney

Patrick Ford: X Factor Cringe Factor

Patrick Ford, 20, manages to make gays the world over cringe with his rendition of the Britney Spears cover of Circus on X Factor.

“Meeting Britney Spears is like meeting god!” declared 20-year-old Patrick Ford on X Factor.  And with those words Ford manages to make you stop dead in your tracks.  You just know this isn’t going to go well or why else would the under-cover Simon Cowell allow him to be featured on the show?

Food for thought…

That gays flock to the Chipmunk sounding Brit-Brit is little news but this here ode to the trailer trash icon by a self-proclaimed number one fan is simply beyond.

We love the “if we win the $5 million” he would have a girlfriend named Britney part.  LUV IT.

Not judging, simply stating an opinion y’all.

Ford attempted a rendition of Spears “Circus” track and, lo-and-behold, he manages to sound worse than the aging pop princess on a day without studio help.

We know its hard to fathom.

We were particularly tickled, however, at Brit-Brit’s cringe-ful reaction to the adulation.  Really girl?  This is your fan base…  For sure now she knows 1st hand how her voice has made some of us feel all these years.  And your breasts are sagging girl…  Time for more support.

Sadly this didn’t turn out to be a vocal version of Shane Mercado.  Y’all surely recall him right?  He was the dancer who worked Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” choreography in his dorm-room.  We’d put a ring on that!

As for Ford…  No, sister, that didn’t go as planned – for sure.

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Pink: Mackie Marvelous

Pink worked the Bob Mackie costumes during her MSG sold out concert last night! And she did it in a pair of stilettos. Work it out, girl!

Now, I will admit and say that elements of her venue seemed a bit reminiscent of stage set-ups of concerts’ past – like Britney and Madonna. But what distinguished her from these two were her vocals.

From belting out her own musical numbers – wrapping up with “Get the Party Started” – to working borrowed numbers from Queen to Gnarles Barkley to Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself” catalog, her voice rang perfectly.

Can’t say that for Brit-Brit or Madge!

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Britney’s Puss Hangs Out

The class that makes Britney Spears reared its ugly side during the kick off performance in Florida recently. Britney is heard off stage declaring that her “pussy is hanging out!”

Apparently, having popped out two kids and giving out countless rides on that beat up piece of hers has left it loose.

What I don’t understand is, for someone who lip-syncs, why the techs opened her mic at all?
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The Brit Marathon

Reports of the NY economy tanking have made headlines. The times are so bad folks are curtailing their Starbucks coffee runs to one venti. For NYker’s that’s hard! But it appears NYC isn’t so strapped for cash that they aren’t able to afford giving Britney Spears a police escort out of her TenJune birthday party on Wednesday morning.

An action generally associated with high ranking politicos was provided to the pop-wreck as her SUV geared to depart her less then successful celeb soiree. The odd part of it is that there is little visible reason – if any – necessitating the escort. Smells like misappropriation of funds and manpower to me…

Perhaps all the deficit talk is just a scare tactic being used to justify raising taxes and the looming MTA fare hikes and bridge tolls…

Only our friends over at x17 can bring you the play-by-play of Britney’s NY marathon that culminates with above mentioned escort. Take a peek, and let us know your thoughts…

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Britney Party Flops!

The “Circus” that makes up Britney Spears played to a virtually empty celebrity house last night at her “official” 27th birthday celebration at uber-trendy club TenJune.

What produced, in some, expectations of A-listers galore – accompanied by mayhem for the now medicated pop-wrecks special day, resulted in some pap-pers calling it a night shortly after Spears 10pm arrival. Disappointment abounded as signs of more freeloaders then celebrity became prevalent.

With NYPD in full force, by 11 pm, the lackluster event produced only the likes of Lance Bass, Lipstick Jungle’s Robert Buckley (who made a quick exit by 10:30 pm shortly after the birthday girl’s arrival) and Ciara.

Awaiting pap-pers were even less pleased with NYPD and TenJune security detail who made every effort to keep photographers from getting any usable material – anticlimactic as it was.

The (un)official reason for this turn of events were allegedly due to Getty Images’ buy-out deal with Brit’s PR and and an unnamed weekly publication for “exclusive” coverage. Coverage that extended to the streets as well as the carpet (accessorized with a lone Getty photographer and ET video crew) and interior material.

In what must be a clear sign of how hard the times actually are in today’s economy, Brit allegedly only clocked a mere 30k for her part in the contrived venue with a rumored payment of 2k going to the Getty photogs coverage.

Girl! You shoulda stayed home… That won’t even cover your LA coffee runs for the upcoming year.

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Britney on Glamour 09

Glamour magazine launches its premiere 09 issue with pop-wreck Britney Spears on its cover. A cover that one famed blogger queen dares declare to “look amazing.”

Photoshop, you fatty! Perhaps that diet of yours is truly affecting your judgment. Eat bitch, eat! Seriously! But I digress…

Spears is set to launch her American “come-back” assault shortly and the wheels are already in motion (she just arrived in NY!) as her “Circus” CD is set to officially release by the end of Dec.

In the magazine Spears goes on to make a long list of scripted statements that are beyond over the top. Starting with saying that “in five years [she] would like to be married and have a father figure for [her] kids, someone who is a provider and can be really stable.” Hold your laughter as there is more!

Spears also speaks on the never-ending duties of motherhood, saying “as a mother, you can never be enough – or do enough – for your kids. It’s a never-ending issue for me.” Adding that she “would like to stop worrying so much, because [she] worries all the time. And to learn how to be happier just in general.” (I know, I know!)

But the bullshit doesn’t end there! It goes on… This is my favorite: “I don’t like going out. I hate clubs. I love my home and staying in bed.” Wow!

For a scanned copy of the interview – cuz you’d be a dumbass to pay for a copy of this crap – head over to BackSeatCuddler.

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Revisiting Crash N Burn Britney

I saw a posting on BATB announcing Britney Spears’ performance at the EU Bambi Awards and I couldn’t resist.

I clicked on the play button and the German speaking announcer went on to introduce Brit’s “Womanizer” track. And that’s where it all went to shit, quicker, dare I say, than I could build a chuckle. The only reason this is spared the awful embarrassment of her MTV crash is that the folks in the production booth keep the cameras shooting (really) wide.

Poor thing… Girl is done! This is cruel and unnecessary punishment for the ex-queen of lip-syncing pop. I don’t understand how she is allowed to perform “live” anymore. She can’t even match her lips to the voice over on her own tracks – speak nothing of not being able to execute a Solid Gold body-roll in her own choreography! So sad…

Pay attention to the audiences response at the end of the vid. Classic!

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Britney Gets Coffee

I think the headline says it all. That’s essentially the entire Britney Spears clip brought to us by those X17 hounds.

Not really much on entertainment until you watch the quick juxtapositioning of the pap-pers on her every move. But muddled in the midst I will point you to the direction of how she maximizes every moment of the photo-op.

Bitch may be on meds but she is a camera whore through and through!

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Britney Documentary

Stop! Really! I beg you…

America’s most famous white trasher and Photoshop queen – Britney Spears, has gone and made a documentary (albeit an MTV one.) Evidently the girl who’s life is played out in every tabloid rag across the world isn’t satisfied with the play by play coverage of her iced-coffee runs and wants to make amends.

“There’s a lot that people don’t know about me that I wants them to know,” Spears states in one promo.

Lets think about that Brit-Brit. You’ve flashed your coochy (more then once), cracked and been carted off in an ambulance, hooked-up with a pap and ran off to Mexico (one who you assuredly knew was making beaucoup $ from hooking up with you), lost custody of your kids, lost control of your own estate, bombed a major (lip-synching) performance (on the same network) due to your hard partying and have had every shopping/coffee run/club run, et al – covered on film and pics…. did I forget anything? Oh yeah, you security detail manhandles women pap-pers to get you from door to car even after your “people” leak intel on your whereabouts.

I know you have another lip-synching project due out (which was leaked in its entirety online,) but really girl, what the fuck!
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Norton Pulls a Spears

My friend Judy brings home a copy of Bazaar – that weights like three lbs – just to show me a picture of Ed Norton appearing in a new Breil Milano advertisement. He recently landed the poster boy campaign and is slated to reign until 2010.

“Look how good he looks!” she proclaimed. And as I sat to go over the two page ad I had to conclude in the same thought. ‘He looks amazing,’ I responded. ‘A different man even.’ And being the snippy bitch I am (I hadn’t eaten yet,) I had to make the comparison of how much like Britney this ad was…

We all know Brit-Brit reigns in the being photoshopped kingdom. Her latest album cover for “Circus” is testament and reminder of that title… But it seems Eddy is looking to rise to her side and rule as her counterpart… They even gave him cheekbones!

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