I know it is one of those primsy proper attempts at wholesomeness but it really misses the mark and unravels a tightly wound farm animal in me.

This is so wrong that it makes Lady Gaga’s icicle number premiere couture! I don’t even have it in me to get down to Lewis’ Mercury winged booties.

For slimming effect, Leona, go for more fitted numbers. Loose the the high waist theme accompanied by opaque tights (when you have thick legs, as you clearly do, it doesn’t really elongate.) And for shoes, stick to stilettos girl! And fire that stylist!

When in doubt revert back to Carolina Herrera’s motto: White dress shirt goes with EVERYTHING!