Archive for category cupid
Today is not a holiday and it shouldn’t be televised! Not really – keep your fucking box of chocolate and flowers to yourself and take your PDA’s home where they belong! We are not moved.
My dating history is wretched, at best; and the last two attempts at romance have resulted in WTF moments to top all wayward couplings ever. One involved the phrase “don’t try to come between me and my god,” (you read right!) and the other I will share in detail with y’all:
My date with Oscar (yes, that’s his name!) a few weeks ago, started out on a good note. He made a commute to get together with me and I was highly impressed with the gesture. As such, I picked him up at the MTA stop and we proceeded to return to my humble abode for a drink. When I offered, itemizing what was available as a formality – he’d already informed me of his pref – he promptly responded with his pre-stipulated choice: red wine. (Inspite of the fact that what I had wasn’t to his preference.)
His subtle hints of being fed I quickly picked up on and - although dinner was not part of the plan, I catered to it without reservation. It is after all what a host does… Conversation was diverse and at times heated – always ending with a bit of laughter. The date appeared to be going well.
The petting and intimate moments the ensued were an added bonus and interpreted as a natural progression to our evening. We were after all, two adults – he older than I. And truth was that I found him attractive and I imagined the feeling was mutual.
Some 5 or so hours later, the date was coming to an end. “You don’t have to drive me if you are too tired, I will take a cab,” he volunteered, when it was time for him to leave. Something I deliberated on and ultimately decided to accept as liquor had been involved.
I called him a cab and we said our goodbyes.
I received a text from him shortly thereafter thanking me for a “nice evening and making dinner.” “Let’s try for the weekend,” he offered.
Kudos to me! Or so I thought…
The call that proceeded his text went something like this: “Thanks again for dinner, but I don’t think there will be a next time. Not really. I can’t believe you let me take a cab to the subway. That is just rude and not something I would do to someone. And I all but had to tell you to make something to eat – you should’ve made dinner before. And the only red wine you had was Merlot…! Even after I had mentioned what type of red wine I liked to drink…”
Mirroring Ms. Swan I heard myself say ‘Ya, Ok, Ok, I tell you everything! Ok, you no say…’
To tell you that I was floored would be an understatement! And this Motherfucker is still calling my ass asking me to get him back his umbrella and newspaper that he left in my car!
So me? Yeah, I am single. And if I got wind of Cupid on this St. Valentine’s Day I would stone that winged fairy bitch until it’s last flutter… Just for sport!
Granted, I am a huge sap! Give me a happy ending and I get all teary.
Throw in handsome men (and this show guarantees to deliver one tall 6.2 1/2 strapping 30-something in the lead) and well on my knees with my underwear around my ankles!