Lindsay Lohan and James Deen film The Canyons.

Lindsay Lohan’s return to the big screen is the stuff of constant fodder.  But the time has arrived and will mark a co-starring role opposite some two-bit hetero porn-wanna-be-starlet named James Deen.  That his “stage name” is a jump-off of a more famous, somewhat controversial (for his time) 20th century a-lister and troubled individual doesn’t get lost on us.

Not one bit.

That the Mean Girls star would reduce her waning chances at a true comeback by starring opposite someone so desperate from the word go to achieve infamy is where we stopped and can’t seem to get passed that gear.

Out of curiosity we had to go and look up this out of shape self-proclaimed porn impresario and see if there were any redeeming traits to warrant benefit of the doubt.

Que drums!

What we found was not much to get a rise out of.   His blog for instance can only be described as a lackluster experience.  Even by hetero standards.  The snatch he mainly features – as opposed to his own bodily parts – are beat up and resemble relics of passed around the bathroom stalls of dive bars on the West Coast type of snatch.  And when you get to the bare essentials of his package – well – it hardly measures up.

Sure, some would say its nothing to send home but we measure from a whole different perspective.

Would it hurt him to do a push-up or two?  Say nothing of a stomach crunch…

Suffice to say that American Gigolo he is not.

The movie trailer to her return project is as cheesy as it promises – we give it that.  For sure the folks behind the Liz Taylor bio-pic, which looms on the horizon, are non-too pleased with what precedes their efforts.

But don’t take our word for it.  Take a look see for yourselves…

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