Katie Holmes holds tightly onto her man at The Romantics special screening in NYC

After merely five years of marriage, the dynamic duo that is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes – otherwise referred to as TomKat – is coming to an end.  That’s right y’all, D-I-V-O-R-C-E!  We know, we are as torn up about it as we were missing the YSL sale last season.

No justice, no peace!

People.com is exclusively reporting the news – although no word on the cause of the split is disclosed.  Ain’t that something?  The most important aspect of the news is completely omitted!  WTF?  Why bother releasing the info?

“This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family,” Holmes’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe is quoted as stating.  Adding that  “Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”

So presumably Holmes gets to keep Suri…  We don’t however know if  will get the apartment in Union Square…?

We don’t know about you but with news of an impending divorce, we can’t help but wonder what the cause might be.  Yes, Cruise is some fifteen years Holmes senior but papi still has it going on and we’d happily slip slide into her spot – were we to be asked – discretion assured.

Assuredly, and much like his previous divorce to Nicole Kidman, not much will come from the surprising split.  Cruise’s pre-nup for certain contains a confidentiality clause which will keep Holmes from any tell-tale interviews.  But speculation will arise never-the-less.

Damn skippy on us having a theory behind it already.  Like for instance, seeing in print makes us wonder…  the marriage is five years old yet Suri is a ripe old age of six… we wouldn’t be surprised at their marriage having been a result of Holmes being able to procure Mr. Control-Freak an off-spring.  Fertility clause as it were…

And on a separate note – Rock Of Ages is the worse movie EVER!  But Cruise did rock.

Lastly, you know how catty gays can be & there is already a mock-up of a fictitious Cruise Grindr ad.   No shame.

A Grindr ad depicting Tom Cruise likeness being circulated online post announcement of impending divorce from Katie Holmes